margins w/ MR

i’ve recently been struggling with mindfulness.

mundane activities are called mundane for a reason. yes, they are ordinary and often unexciting. however, more recently, their value seems to be decreasing in my life (not purposefully).

being in college, things are constantly in motion around me. this creates a viscous cycle of me attempting to seize control. when i find myself easily overstimulated, i cope by forming a routine. ironically, this form of coping leaves me restless.

i don’t think that routine is a negative thing. it brings me peace and makes me more productive. but it’s the idea that through routine, the daily activities and tasks you partake in become an unconscious habit, a chore.

i’m not saying you should focus all of your energy and attention on the exact step you’re taking or the exact breath you’re breathing, that’s humanly impossible. if we did that. we would never be able to get anything done or progress as a society <- here is a false dichotomy.

1. extreme mindfulness, paying attention to every present moment.
2. extreme autopilot, mechanically focusing on some kind of end result.

i’m searching for a middle ground.

today’s enviornment instills this idea of “progress” in us, guiding us to constantly look towards the “next thing.” i find that this distracts me from appreciating the moment i reside in. i want to recognize why i do everything i do in a day, even if it is as simple as working out or studying.

i work out to keep my body fit & healthy, that way i can do some of the activities i enjoy doing & be confident. i study to acquire knowledge and to gain an understanding of the complexities of the world around me. i am grateful for the opportunity to pursue an education, yet i feel rushed while doing it. this is another way the “next thing” outlook is engraved in us.

i shouldn’t feel like school is something i have to “finish” just so i can move on to the next stage of my life. getting it “over with” just so that i can find a job, start making money, then eventually raise a family.

college should be an opportunity to my explore interests, dive into passions, and figure out what i want to do with my rare, and temporary, physical existence. but instead, i find my days mapped around due dates, motivated by my need to achieve good grades to feel successful – which is something i’ll definitely dive further into in a later post.

i’m writing this to hold myself accountable and to remind myself of the importance in giving my life purpose (even on the smallest scale).

maybe you found this post relatable or maybe you think i’m talking non-sense. either way, if you’re reading this, thanks for making it this far.